fathead

large sausages masquerading as particularly tasty hot dogs.

I am going to eat at the "real" chinese restaruant now, real like non-american-chinese food. (Or so I am told.) I can't read the "real" chinese menu and I don't want to order anything off the "fake" chinese menu, so I normally walk inside and go up to the "real" chinese lady and say "i want something with beef, that's spicy, with noodles." Ten minutes later i'm eating some good old fashioned chinese cooking.

I am one cosmopolitan motherfucker.

This week in Fashion

Dear Legion of Fat Girls:

Please inform your members that wearing an extra-large T-shirt over spandex pants never, ever, ever, ever, neverever looked good. Ever.

Signed,

Somebody with Eyes

The reason why people that wear patchouli are stupid.

Because they smell bad. (and they actually think they smell good)

I hate to break it to you patchouli wearing, hippy, pot smoking, 1970's thinking, people who smell like my asshole..... actually I don't hate to break it to you, in fact i'm more than happy to break it to you; you are a bunch of bad smelling mofos. Sorry, you don't just smell bad...you smell BAD.

The reason why pot smokers are the only people that think patchouli smells good is because those lazy fucks are always high and they can't smell shit. Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against pot smokers. I've been known to "spark" a " fat blunt" back "in the day" (i am so fucking hip it hurts) but you never caught me or my friends spraying patchouli on ourselves so we smell like a fucking forest.

football sucks when the eagles lose.

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Three words that make ESL students want to cry.

chic, challah, chutzpah